“I’d like to buy the world a coke and keep it company.” These coca-cola lyrics, created in 1971, have jingled in my mind for years. I sort of grew up with them. I was born in December 1972 (and for those of you doing the math, you can stop, I’m 36). So for all 36 of my years people have been buying the world a coke. This is in some way how I came to be a Diet Coke drinker, I am sure. 

Growing up I was never allowed to drink the stuff, but my mom did. Out of the old school glass bottles with the crown caps. My sister and I had to drink Hi-C Fruit Drink, the stuff out of the big aluminum cans. Filled with artificial coloring, preservatives and corn-syrup. Which is probably why I am mostly forgetful and sort of dumb a lot of the times. But every now and then we would get our hands on an ice-cold bottle of Diet Coke and it was sheer joy. All the brown bubbles and the sweet taste. 

I started drinking Diet Coke in college when I thought I was getting fat. “Hah,” I say to my former self. I did not know what fat was until I could not bend to tie my own shoes 47 pounds into my third pregnancy. What I wouldn’t give for my former college self. But I digress, as usual. Nothing like talk of weight gain and diet cola to distract a woman.

I started drinking it in college and have been hooked on it ever since. It’s the bubbles and the flavor and the way it perfectly washes down something salty like a hot pretzel. It’s the fact that I could care less about Coca-Cola’s marketing or savvy packaging, I just want a cold can to push on through to dinner time. It’s the fact that I can think about having a Diet Coke at 8:00 in the morning and have to talk myself down until at least 12:00. Like counting down to happy hour on a friday. I love the stuff.

Of course I hate it too. All the urban legends about Diet Coke, the ones that are probably true. That it contains known carcinogens and that it contains phosphoric acid that can eat the rust off a nail. Imagine what that can do to your teeth. That it contains toxins that mess with our neurological systems and all sorts of other stuff. That Aspartame from diet sodas is linked to heaps of health risks and that people who have kicked a diet soda habit often lose weight AFTER dropping diet soda.

I know all of this. I have tried to quit. But I like it. And my life is hectic. Which means I should take better care of myself so that I can push on through, but it really just means I hang on to my vices and tell myself that someday when it all slows down, I will control myself and kick the DC habit.

It’s not just Diet Coke though is it? We all do this, stuff that is bad for us but we just keep on going. People smoke, drive too fast, drink too much, eat too much, put too much salt on their food. We buy too much stuff and we go into debt. We overdo it on everything from sex to money to shopping. We cannot control what we say or what we do. Well, actually, most of us can, we just choose not to. I am right there with you all. 

How is it that I can beat my life into submission so that we chug organic milk and grow our own produce and visit the farmer’s market and buy healthy-nutty bread and eat whole grain pancakes and broccolini and yet still slam a Diet Coke? How is it that I can skip chocolate or ice-cream or cake but still need brown bubbles to make my day? How is it that I can know everything that is good for me and just decide not to do it?

Human nature I suppose. Honestly, I wish I knew. I think it is simply will power. That sounds cliche, but this is what it takes. Like Darra Torres, the 41 year old who grabbed 3 silver medals in Beijing. How do you do that? You don’t drink Diet Coke. You just set your mind to it and go. Like losing weight or saving the planet or saving your body from Aspartame. 

I think I just need to do this. To suck it up and pass on the bubbles. I’d like to buy the world some water.

On Easter Sunday we hosted dinner for our family. It was a fabulous day with a lot of food and extravagant overeating. Typical American holiday stuff. After a day where my caloric intake was likely off the charts, and included everything from chocolate eggs to hummus, I was a bit overstuffed and bloated. Again, typical American holiday stuff.

So that evening I am putting on my pajamas when my two-year old comes crashing through the bedroom door. He stops, sees my muffin top all squashed into the jeans I am about to ditch and stops. He runs up to me and pats my belly and says “mama, why you wearing your tummy?” seriously! What do you say to that? “Well honey, I am wearing it today but tomorrow I am going to take it off, no gym, no diet, just take it off and toss it into the hamper, like these here socks.” I wish.

So that trigged another thought. The one that us American women all get this time of year. The panic that it is almost time for swimsuits and days at the pool. I don’t want to be wearing my tummy at the pool. So after I pulled on my very forgiving pajama pants and hid the tummy I walked over to my dresser drawer where I have been hiding a little diet booster plan (at least this is what I call it). For the better part of four months I have toyed with the idea of doing a detox followed by a smart, sensible diet of some sort. Detoxing would be flushing my body free from all the toxins and junk that hinder me from being the body I was designed to be, or something like that. Things like aspartame and caffeine, sugar and food additives would disappear. I’ve heard that people who do a detox feel wildly energetic. They claim to eat better, sleep better, exercise better, be nicer, whatever. It just sounds like it works. 

Of course none of this is backed up by the FDA, but why would it be? The FDA gets kickbacks from all the companies that sell us the crap we eat. So I was standing with my drawer open, ready to take on the FDA, Diet Coke, and my tummy. I opened up the box and saw all these little vials of herbal stuff I was supposed to drink this week. Detox systems range in severity and duration. Some are one week gigs like I purchased (the easy route for sure), others are month long ordeals. Some ask you to drink tea or fast or pop supplements. The one I purchased was a seven day supplement that I was to drink each day. I was also to avoid caffeine, alcohol, and sugar. The particular brand I purchased actually found it necessary to define sugar! It said to avoid sugar (like cakes and cookies). Thanks for that, wasn’t sure I knew that one.

Anyway, I am sure you can guess this if you have read anything else I have blogged about, but the day was a miserable failure. It started off at 5:55 AM when my daughter awoke a full 90 minutes before she normally does. I pacified her for a bit and then crept back to bed for 20 minutes. I was still wearing my tummy, staring at the detox box as I lay in bed. I was ready to detox for a week and jump start a diet that would lead me to looking like Jillian Michaels by May 31st. So I got up and poured this vial of herbal junk into a big water bottle. It looked like thick apple cider but smelled like rhubarb and herbs. odd. 

It was gross. I was to drink 32 ounces of this stuff throughout the day. An hour later my boys woke up. By 7:15 we’d already had breakfast and built 7 paper airplanes. The baby was completely whiney and clingy after being up early, the boys were, well, my boys, and I was already bracing myself for the raging headache my caffeine withdrawal would bring to me (I drink 3 cups of coffee per day and usually throw in at least one Diet Coke for good measure). I was stressed already. Surely these detox people did not mean I had to forgo all of my caffeine? So we left early for school and stopped at Starbuck’s. It was magnificent.

By 5:00 PM I cracked a Diet Coke. By 8:00 PM I had a bowl of popcorn (home made on the stove with real butter and salt) then bit the head off a chocolate bunny. I am done detoxing. 

Caffeine is the big addiction I cannot crack. And I know that the headache is just part of the drill and I know that I need to wean my body off it and I know all that willpower would be good for me. But you see I need it. I love coffee. Love the smell of it. If I was not a coffee drinker I would probably still make it just to smell it. I drink it iced and hot and lukewarm and I just simply need it to get through my day. To keep up with my kids and my husband and myself.

So, what’s the point? First, don’t detox if you are anything like me, it won’t go well. But second, if you are like me and coffee is your addiction, drink wisely. I recently did a bit of research on Fair Trade Coffee. Seems corporate America and the rest of the corporate world throws their weight around pretty mightily on coffee plantations. Many small, family owned farms cannot keep up with the corporate coffee growers so they have to sell their land and farms to these giants just to literally survive. Should they try to stay on and keep their farms they cannot compete with the low prices of the corporations and they go into debt and deeper poverty. Families suffer, farms and the land that have been owned for generations are lost. People are displaced. And the quality of life drops.

Taking note of this is a big deal. Americans are the largest consumers of coffee in the world. What we do and how we drink it makes a global difference. A BIG difference.

If I fuel my addiction by purchasing fairly traded coffee, in a nutshell, this means that the growers received a fair wage for their product. A fair wage being that which is suitable to maintain some respectable standard of living. One that covers food, medical expenses, and even dares to consider educating a child or two. Fair Trade products give a boost to these folks by purchasing from them. They usually employ earth-friendly farming methods as well (like shade-grown coffee etc).

So, want to keep that cup? Look for a Fair Trade Label (Transfair USA is one of them) on the coffees and teas you drink.The FDA does not currently monitor a national Fair Trade label system so look for a reputable label like Transfair. Consider purchasing coffee or reading up on the issue on a larger scale at Equal Exchange: http://www.equalexchange.coop/

Equal Exchange is a great organization that offers these products as well as a more in depth explanation than the way over simplified version I just provided. They also tell you all about buying in bulk, selling it through your schools, churches or non-profits, and even how to grab fair trade holiday candy.

So, drink the coffee, bite the head off the bunny, and wear that tummy as long as it is all fairly traded baby.

So when I finally get the time to post something on this blog it is usually because I am sitting in my local coffee shop without my kids, feeling like I have reached some sort of technological nirvanna. Some bluesy song by Amy Winehouse or Adele is in the background, the hum of an espresso machine is cranking out another melody, and I am proudly sitting with my laptop, fingers in a frenzy, feeling like the sassiest mom on the planet. Never mind that I am wearing my glasses, the same sweatshirt I wore yesterday, the same jeans I wore yesterday, and cannot take my eyes off the cell phone in case the sitter calls. It does not matter that I have the ringer cranked up so loud my late-grandmother could hear it, I still fear missing the call from the sitter, the one saying that my son dove headfirst off the bunk bed onto the floor. So I neurotically check the phone, did anyone call, did I miss it, did it not ring? What if I miss the call because I am trying to be the coolest mommy ever! 

So anyway, I am there, I smell like coffee and it is sort of gross really, but I am slouched into the best couch in the shop, the one right in front of the fireplace. Suddenly I hear the sound of shuffling feet and look up to find a sort of sweet looking older man staring at me. I smile. I say hello. He does not smile back. He is holding a cup of coffee and says to me. “You are in my seat.” “Oh, I am sorry sir, were you here? I had no idea” I say back. Since he had just walked in and I’d been there an hour already, I did have an idea, I knew he wasn’t there, but what would I say? So I apologize and then keep on typing.

He proceeds to sit down, just inches from me, in a chair detached from another table. He coughs once and says “you have three minutes to get out.” “What?!” “You have three minutes to get out.” I’m miffed and for some reason, actually scared of this no longer sweet looking old man. I could have taken him out with my elbow, but I don’t. I smile. He does not. I begin to pack up my computer. All the other comfy chairs are taken. My moment has passed. 

Apparently, there is no age limit on who can run my life. My two year old, I take orders from him, my five year old, him too. My one year old daughter cannot even talk, but she can point and whine, so I do what she says. And apparently even if you are a ga-gillion years old, you can give me three minutes to evacuate the couch and I am gone.

I am no longer cool blogging mommy. My sweatshirt reeks like coffee so I now have to wash it. Better head home for some laundry. Which, in case you were hoping for an eco-tip, I’ll throw one in to keep you happy, if you wash your laundry in cold water you can save up to 1600 pounds of carbon emissions per year. Close to 90% of the energy it takes to wash a load of laundry comes from heating the water. If you simply wash in cold you can save huge on your energy bill and on your family’s emissions. But does cold get it clean? YES! Research shows that most detergents are designed to work as well in cold water and with all the HE washers on the market, a good wash in cold water will do the trick almost every time!

so that’s it. it won’t always be an eco-update. this was really about my evacuation from the coffee shop. sometimes funny things happen on the way to the blog.